The Gift of Presence
This Christmas, how lovely it would be to give and receive the gift of presence.
At this time of year, many of us spend time with family or friends. And if not we have time with ourselves.
It is easy to allow ourselves to spend that time worrying about the future or musing over the past. This means that we are not paying attention to ourselves or to others in the moment.
In Aldous Huxley’s book, The Island, he describes a paradise. In the forests which cover the island of his book, trained talking birds perch and fly, repeating two phrases endlessly – “Pay Attention” and “Here and Now”.
They act as a constant reminder of the inhabitants of the island to be present in the moment and to turn their awareness and attention to what is going on right now.
Another trick our minds play on us is that when we are with others our focus shifts to ourselves rather than to them. We are worrying about how we are, how we look, what we are going to say next.
When we are not fully present, those we are with sense that we are not fully engaged with them. They withdraw part of their energy in return. And an opportunity for intimacy and closeness can slip away.
How to be Present
In order to be present, we need to know that the current moment is all we have. The past is settled. The future is unknown. We can choose how to be and react right now.
Try these ways to stay present:
- If your mind is wandering, focus on your breath. Allow this to centre you and find your way back to the here and now.
- Notice what is around you. The light, the air, the people.
- Accept that you will have thoughts. Allow them to pass through you.
- Ask for help – if you have a tendency to drift, ask someone to point out when they feel that you have moved your attention away from them.
- Slow down. Allow space between one moment and the next and enjoy the moment you are in.
The Benefits of Presence
Being present allows you to bring your true self into your relationship with others. Often we are distracted by thoughts and words, which act as a barrier to others seeing us. Or to us being able to see ourselves clearly.
Being present gives room to appreciate the world we are in more, or to focus on the sensation of eating, breathing, touching. To savour life.
Bring present allows you to be open – to others and to the experience of living. This allows more flow, creativity, playfulness, fun, sensuality and connection.
So give the gift of presence to yourself and others. And be open to receiving it in return.
And remember presence is for life, not just for Christmas. You can choose to live your life paying attention to the here and now.
Do you have other ways to stay present? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
Mike
Tantra Coach: Sex and Relationship Coaching for Individuals and Couples
Thank you Mike for your helpful reminder to be present.
To write this comment I have turned off the radio which helps me to focus and I sometimes turn off the radio in the car for the same reason.
I find it remarkable that unconsciously I often turn the radio back on. I suppose there is a discomfort with being with myself.
Thanks Stephen. I am not sure that the word I would use is discomfort. Sometimes we need the distraction of a radio or TV to stop negative thoughts and focus on other things. But yes, if we are listening to the radio, let’s listen with focus. If we are eating a meal, let us eat. If we are connecting with another, let’s connect.
Namaste
Mike
At a recent gift trade show the stand next to mine was a book publisher. Their best sellers are books on ‘mindfulness’. It seems everyone desires to be more mindful … more present in the moment. As though we all live with an epidemic of not living in the moment – presumably in anticipation of some other future or a lost past.
You could say we are more or less addicted to the idea that we would prefer to be somewhere else other than here and now … as though this is not enough. I recognise this in myself as an addiction to the idea that there is something missing. It is a lie. There is nothing missing. The practice of presence for me is the continuous reminder that ‘there is nothing missing’.
More cosmically, this moment is perfect as it is – there is nowhere else where Life is being better expressed. Embracing, accepting … savouring this ‘now’ offers the promise of living in the Kingdom which is ever eternal.
Thank you Phil. The point about there being nothing missing is spot on. On My last birthday, I decided that the way to be was to live in joyful acceptance of what is. It is not always easy, but it is a phrase which reminds me to be present.