Have you ever been in a relationship when something isn’t quite right?

I have.

At times, my lover and I would be strongly connected. Other days felt a little routine or that the well had run dry on things to talk about. Perhaps we were both generally uninspired with how and where the relationship was going.

If you’ve been there and know that feeling, all is not lost with your relationship.

But it is time to focus energy onto the relationship. Let’s take a look at the ten lasting habits of people who experience fulfilling intimate relationships.

1. Find amazing things to do together

How frequently do you find yourself amongst the humdrum chores of life and wondering when the next excitement will be?

Look constantly for new things to do with your partner, such as things to learn.

Last year my love and I started to learn tango. This year we have been teaching ourselves how to forage for food in the wild. We have learnt much about each other through sharing new things. How we connect, what we are interested in as well as the joy of sharing new knowledge and skills. There has been a lot of laughter.

2. Be your engaging self

Doing things together is one step. Another is maintaining your individual interests or starting new ones. There will always be things that you are interested in and your partner less so.  Follow your interests and you will be easier to be around!

For myself, I have my children to entertain and engage me and I play guitar. I go to yoga and attend meditation classes. I share what I get out of all this with my partner.

3. Engage fully in the relationship and each other

Have you ever been with someone and had the feeling that the person would rather be elsewhere?

Do you remember when you were first together and how you could hardly think of anything else? Spend time allowing yourself to day dream about the gloriousness of your relationship and looking forward to your time together.

Find ways to show each other that you are fully in the relationship through changing your mind-set, allowing yourself to spend time thinking of your lover and making sure that your time together is focused on having fun.

4. Make time to be together

Enjoy your time together. Allow yourself time to luxuriate in each other’s company, whether that is walking, going out, staying in without distractions, reading to your beloved while they are in the bath. (Seriously sexy!)

5. Step up

Guess what? You are responsible for your part in the relationship. So step up.

What could you do to make things more exciting, more fresh? What do you need to talk about that you may have been avoiding?

Get involved in the delights of displaying your love to your partner in small and big ways.

6. Deepen trust

The healthiest relationships are those where both partners are simply committed to each other and able to deal with all the stuff which comes up.

This is both easy and hard. Easy to tell yourself that everything will be OK. That you can trust in your lover and they in you and that there is nothing that will shake the relationship.

The hard bit is to feel and live every day in a way which shows that this commitment is true.

7. Speak your truth

What have you been avoiding talking about? Commiting to deal with “stuff” that comes up is vital to the intimacy of the relationship.

Take time to tell your partner often what you like about them. Find the courage to lovingly talk about what is not feeling right. Acknowledge and compliment your beloved for what they bring to your life.

8. Show that you are vulnerable

We will always have things we feel uncomfortable about or ashamed of.  Or experience emotions that are difficult.

How would it feel to be open about those places? From my experience, horrible. Yet, when we show our vulnerability, the places which we are scared of, the pain we have tried to hide, the other can open their heart.

How would it be to admit to these things with your beloved? Open up, be vulnerable, and share something you have never shared. And feel the love flow back to you.

9. Honour each other

The most loving lovers honour each other. They choose to be fully present with passion and words and connection.

Enjoy your love. Be passionate about the things your beloved finds intriguing. Be amazed at the gifts which they bring to you.

10. Get juicily joyful

Sex is one of the greatest, most magnificent gifts you have been given. Make a pledge to have sex and to make sex fun.

Go to bed with joy in your heart, and enjoy and revel in sex play.

What tips do you have to allow more joy and exploration in your relationships? I’d love to hear from you.

Please Leave a comment or Get in Touch with me here.

Mike

Tantra Coach: Sex and Relationship Coaching for Individuals and Couples – London, Hertfordshire and Sheffield